Emmmbah

Its currently 12:32 am, im alone in my apartment and wearing a drindle. For no reason.
Theres been so many things going on lately!
This past week hasn't been so great. Im terrified of my grades coming in for my parents to see. I didn't do well. Actually- I did great, but I've been getting really sick lately and missing some days.
Oh yeah- I've been getting really sick lately. Which side topic brings me to how lovely Kirk is...totally a side topic.
So back in October, I was in a car ding and went to the hospital because of me blacking out and all this stuff- I don't know the full details seeing how I don't remember any of it. I've been doing really well in the past few months, but something about this week didnt go so right. Monday I started to feel really bad in my 5 o'clock class. I sent kirk about a million texts because I really felt like I was going to pass out. It all starts like this choking sensation at the base of my neck. I get all dizzy and I kind of lose track of where I am and whats going on. Well he, like the brave, lovely, amazing boy he is, stomps outta work to come and save me from the perils of being sick in calculus....only to get stuck in traffic for a little bit. That wasn't so bad because I got to finish my calc class but I don't remember walking back to my apartment. And i don't remember coming in. And i remember walking into my bathroom to find some Advil, but thats about it. Next thing I know, kirk's above me slappin' at my cheeks and doing the "INDYINDYINDY" thing. So he picked me up off the floor and put me to bed and everything was okay until I just went cold and I again don't remember anything. Kirk says I'm having honest to goodness seizures now. I feel so nauseated afterwards I cant even tell you. That day I had maybe 2 more and the exact same the next. I don't think they're panic attacks or anything because I walk up in the middle of the night with these. According to my lovely Kirkland, i get all twitchy and I just stop responding. Ive had at least one this entire week and its getting really old. I know i'm worrying Kirk. I keep apologizing to him, but I dont think that makes him stop worrying. He already worries enough about me and here I go making it ten times worse.
To be honest, Im afraid to fall asleep. Or take showers. Its the worst situation ever and im hoping it just goes away. I don't want to tell my folks because (a) Ronald being in Iraq, they have enough to worry on (b) I've already put them through this before (c) I don't want to break my lease and move home and (d) it'll probably just go away.
So, its 12:32 am and thats why Im not asleep wearing a drindle.

Pan-duh

>"Listen toots, I'm one of 1,ooo left in the world,
Don't think I cant drop your ass"

Buffalo Gals

This week has been up there on the charts of tough.
One of the greatest men in my life, Big Dad, past away Friday and we are all still in shock. I Played at the funeral yesterday and I dont think I've cried this much since my Deedee past away.
It seems like the best people on earth always leave way too soon.
I got a phone call today at one that Ron was leaving at Four. Its really sinking in right now and I dont know how I'm keeping my head up so.... well? Im pretty sure I'm really going to crash here soon, but for now Ive got some ETID.
"You know its just so hard going limp in your arms"

Im thinking that maybe I should minor in art. Im currently building up my drawing portfolio with any request anyone has.
Tonights? Yeah, its a girl. A Zombie...girl.
A lady in Oklahoma on myspace asked me to do it for a tattoo and so far its looking alright. Im not really into that sort, but atleast I'm getting variety!

Today was so pretty, i really didnt want it to end. I watched some wundershowzen and played with charles.
CHARLES MY NEW HAMSTER.
Currently, kirkland and i are battling over custody. Because Charles is just that cute.
Monday night kirk and i headed off to the mall to buy me a dress. My wardrobe is slowly fading away from so much black which was a bad thing in this situation; i needed something new. I got a really pretty dress for only 25 bucks (which is totally beside the point) and soon after we visited the pet shop. I first wanted a turtle, but they had none. Nor did they have kittens, birds, or puppies on my budget of 10 dollars. BUT THEY DID HAVE BUNNIES. I really wanted one. I pretty much sat at that plexyglass box the entire time. Kirk kept trying to explain to me why exactly the rabbit couldnt live in the bath tub but it wasnt until we found Charles that I let the Bunny dream die. Charles is "fancy". So much so, they named an entire race of Hamster after her. She pretty much puts all other hamsters to shame. Charles IS a girl, but I didnt know this until after I named her. "Charles" stuck, but fortunately shes confident in her gender despite the name. Too much so maybe. I came home the other day to find this:




Darn boy-thievin-hamster.

Kirkland really likes her.


Maybe alittle too much even.



I've just realized I write like a six year old.
Oh well.

Heres to happier days.
Keep Ron in you prayers.
Keep the Tanner family in there too!

Kirk, Kittens, and Kids

I have one cup of French silk, one drawing i'm working on, one calculus test in a week, one botched concert I planned for 3 months, and one more class until todays over.
Not a good list.
...well at least half.

So i've started drawing ALOT over the past 2 days. I wish i could do the things i can now back in high school. Ah well.
Today I got TWO orders from people who'd like me to draw portraits of their children. Creepy? Sort of. But i really need to build up a portfolio.
So what i've done so far is to the left.
Over look the calculus.

In other news: I really want a kitten. I feel like im 7 again and nagging everyone around me for some sort of cute fluffy animal to have...and love...and stuff. Im pretty sure this is a great idea seeing how i live in a university apartment. BLAH. No matter, i still want one.


I found a boy named Kirkland who I really like.
Its the best relationship I've ever had (quite possibly THE BEST IN EXISTENCE) and it doesn't hurt that most of our dates end with ice cream. I met kirk about 3 years ago now at a annoyingly strange boy's house named Sam Mason. Kirk was drunk on a pool table and defended my honor with a cue and 8 ball. Ah, Romantic. Our initial courtship consisted of Vespas, phone calls, and infomercials. It was bliss. Unfortunately, i was not allowed to see him so we drifted separate ways only to knock into each other occasionally at Lobsters of Red... Things like this happen. We started officially dating the day after graduation. To be honest, we had been seeing each other for some time, but no one knows about that...well i guess until now. Any ways, every thing has honestly worked out for the best. Thats why this after noon we are going to solve my kitten-needing dilemma.
Heckyes,bestrelationshipever.

It starts out like a season in reverse
A way to set your mind above and over words

Its 11:18.
Ive never been very good at writing. Mainly because i have no clue what to type.
Anywho, i should start by saying i am indy. I live in a small town but for now im in college... located in a semi larger small town. Its thursday which some how translates to friday here in school world.
Im also listening to Circa.

I started school late half way through the year.
Everyone seems so confident in what they're doing. Its simply terrifying.
So lately i've been going over career ideas. Boiled down they are:
*Homeless
*Crazy Cat Lady

In all honesty, i hate the fact that what i do now at 19 will affect my life for ever and ever.
I dont feel like im doing a single thing correctly anymore.
I think i should join the army.
...this plan makes no sense though

DEAR BOY IN MY COMPUTER SCIENCE CLASS,
I do not, nor will i ever, need help "understand the concepts of study".
Also, who the hell talks like that? Seriously.


DEAR NERDY BEAVER GIRL IN MY COMPUTER SCIENCE CLASS,
You're nerdy.
And a total putz at that.
Plus, you faintly resemble a beaver.

DEAR SAME BOY IN MY COMPUTER SCIENCE CLASS WHO ALSO HAPPENS TO BE IN A SECOND CLASS ON MINE,
I do not care that we both share two classes.
And its not "fate"
SERIOUSLY. WHO THE HELL TALKS LIKE THIS TO SOMEONE THEY JUST MET?
Boy- in- my- computer- science- class- who- also- happens- to- be- in- a- second- class- of-mine apparently.